theradishpress

Tuesday, June, 3, 08

connections

Filed under: a moment in my head,what do i know — theradishpress @ 10:40 am

After living in NY for almost one year and several months visiting John’s restaurant, I finally hung out with D outside of the restaurant. Of course, he’s moving and I am leaving this Thursday, so it only makes sense that I had a great time hanging out. I know that what I enjoy most is good conversation, and there was plenty of that. And despite his moving, I am glad we hung out. I prefer that over never having done so.

It is a reminder to me of something I realized about a month ago: I live in NY and need to start living in NY. I have allowed my social anxiety and anxieties overall really cloud my actions and prevent me from making connections with people. But I have been making an effort and enjoying it. I have been going out, whether it’s for cupcakes at 1030 or for drinks when I don’t drink, or dancing…well, I always enjoy dancing. I didn’t just move to NY for school, I also came to experience things. I think I was expecting some major shifts like happened in England. There have been some changes and other developments, maybe I am just more accustomed and less surprised by changes that occur.

I have been having some great conversations with T as well. We are both part of similar and same communities and our mixed identities have been especially prominent in our lives, particularly at present. In speaking with T and expressing my interest in reaching out to more people of color and mixed people, I also realized that I have been so bad about doing my own research, on finding things, places, people. I know there are Iranians in NY. A lot. And because of some of my past experiences of feeling not quite Iranian enough, I have shied from from locating any groups. I was part of a meetup collective of Iranians, but never went out with them.

So maybe this is my big shift, my comparable to England change. Me actually fighting my anxiety, not trying to hide it.

I am looking forward to this summer of travel, friends, family, concerts, and whatever else may happen.

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