* Slumdog Millionaire
Friday, January, 23, 09
Wednesday, January, 21, 09
This Brooklyn experience not what they said:
But I get those on 5th Ave at 14th, not
just Fulton and St. James.
Not where they said I should go. Not where they said I would like or fit in.
No Bedford and N 5th.
This Brooklyn experience comes with
summer stoops, cheap eats, roommates, loud cars
late night train stops
and smaller space.
This Brooklyn experience comes with
bus rides home.
Comes with a pizza slice and tv on the computer.
It comes with silent walks.
This Brooklyn experience comes with learning who my neighbors are.
Maybe this year I will look up.
Wednesday, January, 14, 09
I laughed when I first saw the preview for Gran Torino. It looks like a bad made for TV movie (assuming that there are any good made for TV movies). I half expected Patty Duke to walk on set. Then again, Patty Duke tends to have better taste…even if it is of the cheesy variety.
How many more stories do we need about noble whitey saving the poor people of color? Some people, well, one person, who will remain nameless, has faith in you. This person seems to think that you are not that shallow and that there will be something deeper, some underlying message that proves you are deserving of the praise constantly showered on you.
I can see where the movie is going. You help these kids out, not because you are a good person, but because you don’t want any low-life gangsters hanging around your perfectly kept lawn…or even worse! your beautiful car. But you get to know this family, their struggles, maybe you even learn you have commonalities, and you learn that being a racist isn’t so cool, and only makes you a lonely bitter person. I bet one of those kids dies. Oh god, even better, maybe your character dies and the whole community comes to your funeral to show their love! That would be a way better ending. Kind of like that waste of space, Pay it Forward.
I know you have made a career partially based solely on that gravely voice. And hey, I am a fan. But all those Christian Bale Batman haters…where are they? How come Bale gets crap for doing something completely sane like changing his obviously distinguishable voice into one that no one can place – after all, being a caped crusader means going unrecognized! – yet no one seems to care that you use your harsh tones to try and create a more powerful impact? Maybe the voice thing is natural. I don’t know. I have only ever heard you speak in a movie role. Maybe I am taking my annoyance a little far. Really, it was an excuse to call out the Batman haters.
Well Clint, Mr. Eastwood. whatever…I hope I am wrong. I doubt it. Honestly, even if there is some deeper message, some twist away from the formula, the fact remains that you are telling a story with a tired theme. This is why I did not want to see Iron Man. While that movie was not exactly what I had expected, it kept true to that basic idea, everyone needs the white saviour. Go on with your badass Dirty Harry self and maintain the status quo.
Monday, January, 12, 09
I tend to avoid resolutions. I like to make changes during Ramadan and Lent. I find a new year placed in the midst of a dead season strange, and prefer the Iranian New Year at the beginning of Spring. But why not celebrate both? And why not embrace changes or amendments that need to take place. I decided that I am going to be more open and honest with myself as well others around me. (I also decided to keep better contact with people and see more movies).
After learning some things this winter break and getting angry about secrets, it occurred to me that I am just as guilty of maintaining that status quo and not opening up about things. And this does not mean I need to be exposed or without the safety of my own intuition, but it is time for me to cultivate my emotions, to be completely honest with myself, and to know how to take steps forward, how to sometimes remain silent, and how to embrace the fear and hesitation that often times accompanies speaking out.
The first few days in California I felt for certain that I am an East Coast person, that CA is not a place for me. I did not see the need to carry a conversation with anyone other than those I was there to see. As I spent time in California I acknowledged that while NY has its merits emotionally, mentally, physically, and that I often feel completely at home, it has also provided me with an excuse to retreat into a former self and to act out in ways that are easily excused because of my geographical location. This is not about completely denying who I am, because NY also helped me learn that I had suppressed a true part of myself. This is, however, about learning and growing and developing…and I will not stifle myself. I cannot.
I need to use the time that have, the time not occupied by work, to continue working on creations. I need to focus on myself and what my personal expectations are and not be so concerned if I do not always meet them.
I can see myself in California. I can see myself wandering. I can feel myself losing some of the daring I had even last year. I do not like that. Traveling always puts things into perspective for me. I can see, from far away, what was there, already in front of me.
I felt a NY promise had been made, but that is not the case. It was a promise to myself. And things change. They evolve.
I am learning to be open with my emotions. I am more willing to allow myself to show how I truly feel, especially if my feelings are related to sorrow and sometimes accompanied by tears. I am open to allowing myself to feel, and to not keep those feelings in isolation.