theradishpress

Tuesday, August, 31, 10

Wait, wait, wait…does this mean Michael J. Fox went back in time?

Filed under: a moment in my head,cinema — theradishpress @ 12:20 am

by theradishpress

One thing I personally love that the media does is speculate on the sexuality of actors/actresses when they play a queer character. Remember when Brokeback Mountain came out (Puns are never intended. I hate puns.) and everyone (not me) was wondering if Jake Gyllenhaal and/or Heath Ledger were gay? Same thing happened to pretty much the entire cast of Queer as Folk, and now Nelsan Ellis who portrays Lafayette on True Blood. Ryan Kwanten, also of True Blood, and Daniel Radcliffe are rumored to play gay in a new film titled My Fair Lidy (Towleroad). Radcliffe has already had the rumors circulating because he’s very outspoken with his support of queer rights. I guess he should prepare to be considered gay until proven straight.

These rumors are obviously true. All rumors are, right? Also, think about Daniel Day-Lewis. He’s method, and he starred in My Beautiful Laundrette. Gay. Christian Bale is supposedly method – of course he’s method, that is the only explanation for his awesome outburst on the set of Terminator Salvation – and he starred in Velvet Goldmine. Gay. Speaking of Velvet Goldmine, Ewan McGregor is in that and he plays gay in like every other movie he stars in. Judi Dench embodies every character she plays. Did you see Notes on a Scandal? Gay. But wait, this brings me to my point. Judi Dench is clearly not only gay but also a psychopath.

Look, if all these people are gay because of the characters they play (Dude, Jack Twist is the gayest name ever. I bet Gyllenhaal suggested that name.) why has no one asked the really important questions?

Is Arnold a cyborg? Will he kill everyone in his path? Should Linda Hamilton fear for her life?

Is Brad Pitt actually Jesse James? How old is Jesse James? Why is he not in jail?

Is Robert Pattinson a vampire who can walk in daylight?! Is Kristen Stewart a helpless teenage girl with zero self-esteem who wants Robert Pattinson to turn her into a vampire? Also, is she a necrophyliac? And is Taylor Lautner a werewolf? But more importantly, does he keep his shirt off most of the time? If so, I want his number.

Is Zoe Saldana from the future? Does she speak Klingon? Does she have an alien for a boyfriend?

Hello! These are all important things! Why does anyone care about who is sleeping with who when there could be actual vampires, aliens, and killers among us. They have fooled us into thinking they are just playing a role, but no! They must be stopped. Immediately.

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3 Comments »

  1. Ehh, I don’t know if this happens as much anymore. While its true that some of these actors have gay rumors swirling around them, it’s mostly because they have gayface, not because of their role choices. I don’t know that Bradley Cooper has done any gay roles, but he certainly has the crazy gay rumors around him.

    Meanwhile Jim Carrey can take on all the gay roles he likes, and no one will ask if he’s gay because you just don’t want to think about him in a sexualized capacity at all. Like at all.

    And as for Zoe Saldana, duh. Who DOESN’T speak Klingon? Qapla’!

    Comment by InfoMofo — Tuesday, August, 31, 10 @ 3:37 pm | Reply

    • Um, hello! Wet Hot American Summer! That movie proves Bradley Cooper is gay. It also proves he is from the 80’s.

      Comment by theradishpress — Tuesday, August, 31, 10 @ 4:17 pm | Reply

      • Oh wow. I knew Michael Ian Black was in that scene, but that was kind of Bradley Cooper before he was Bradley Cooper.

        Comment by InfoMofo — Tuesday, August, 31, 10 @ 4:24 pm


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