I keep reading that John Woo is making more movies. And not just new movies, but remakes. First, he wants to remake Le Samourai (some apparently really influential 1967 French action film that I admit to not knowing of. And no, Jean-Claude Van Damme is not in it. I just like his mullet.) and then his own 1989 action film The Killer. So not only is John Woo directing, but he is on that good ol’ Hollywood bandwagon of remaking things that already exist. The last time I watched a John Woo movie was Mission: Impossible II. I have already stated my hatred for that movie for its lack of cohesion and its overuse of slow motion. Not to mention the goddamn dove that leads Tom Cruise to imminent victory. Also, the title is dumb. Is that some play on words? It’s dumb and makes no sense. That movie sealed my hatred for John Woo movies.
This is sadly a low quality video. But then again, it’s a low quality movie. Just watch the first 20 seconds and try your best not to laugh. I wish Tom Cruise could hear me laughing at this mess.
Before the above mess, there was Face/Off. For the record, I was totally excited to see it for the sole reason that Nic Cage plays bad really well. (Oh my god, I might actually intend that pun). Here’s the problem with Face/Off. And by problem, I mean PROBLEMS. John Travolta is in it.* He is a terrible actor. He is annoying. See Pulp Fiction for confirmation. You can see him acting. It is so awkward when he curses and gets angry or really when he does all acting. See The Taking of Pelham 1 2 3 to witness the gloriousness that is his acting. I think he and Richard Gere should star in a movie together about actors who keep getting cast in movies for their apparent charm and sex appeal but in reality everyone working with them knows they are useless and only there to bring in the money. See, it’s a movie about movies, that is all deep and shit. Just tell the Brooklyn kids it’s ironic. They’ll show up. (Why yes, I do live in Brooklyn. Your point?)
The other problem with Face/Off, it is a love story disguised as an action film. Little children and love stories ruin action movies! That whole swiping the kid’s face with the hand as a sign of love is awkward. Is it some meta reference to the whole premise of the film? Are you trying to compare the removal of Nic Cage’s and Travolta’s faces to swiping that kid’s face? If so….WHY?! Then there is the whole Travolta is trying to save his marriage storyline. Leave it out of action movies. All that aside, though it cannot be ignored, Face/Off suffers from John Woo’s personal version of the beloved star wipe. SLOW MOTION!
What purpose does slow motion serve other than to make your movie seem longer? Very few directors know how to use slow motion well. Right now the only person who comes to mind is Wes Anderson. That is how few. Is John Woo remaking his own movie The Killer so that he can slow it down even more and extend the run time beyond 111minutes?
Slow motion is as much a life ruiner as Regina George.
*Did you notice that I did not even have to reference Battlefied Earth: A Saga of the Year 3000?